Post by Admin on Oct 23, 2019 10:17:59 GMT -5
1. The DK Crew +1
87-64.5 Win over James Whites Only
It didn't take a lot to win against Brendan this week, and Olc certainly didn't impress anyone. With only 1 starter to manage >12 points, it's a bit of a shock Olc still has a stranglehold on the points title. Melvin Gordon (9) has so far looked incredibly foolish for holding out, and Mark Ingram (5.5) had his worst week of the year. Austin Hooper (12) continues to lead TE's in points, and Julio (12) can't seem to string together a stretch of great games. It was an all around ho-hum week for Johnny, but thanks to his 2 biggest competitors losing in spectacular fashion, he's our top dog for at least the next 7 days. He'll have a much tougher assignment when he takes on ChodeChamp Murph in Week 8.
2. The Jerk Goffs +4
133.5-73 Win over BeWare -
Murph's meteoric rise continued in Week 7, as Dan has now won 4 of his last 5 and is now leading the Melvins division and holding down the #2 spot in points scored. This squad compiled it's 2nd-highest point total of the season, mostly on the backs of Darren Waller (32.5), Jared Goff (26), and Sony Michel (23.5). Aaron Jones (17) even remembered how to catch the ball. However, Will Fuller (0.5) pulled out an old classic and got himself hurt, and will now join Davante Adams, Alvin Kamara, and Sterling Shepard (all DNP) on this teams lengthy list of injuries. All 3 remain questionable, but are trending in the right direction for what it's worth. Fuller will miss some time.
Dan's team is now well positioned, but there remains some questions. Goff has looked completely lost at times, and Keenan Allen (8) now has 4 straight weeks of single digit performances. Sony Michel, while improved lately, plays on an extremely versatile offense that changes its game plan very often. Still though, Dan has just stacked up his 4th win, and has valiantly reclaimed his shaft from Drew. He's going to need every centimeter of it next week against Olc, as two of the top teams in the league will duke it out in the matchup of the week.
3. BeWare - -2
73-133.5 Loss to The Jerk Goffs
What a fucking letdown that was. Both these squads were on a roll coming into the ChodeBowl showdown, and Drew completely fricked it up. Lamar Jackson (28) continues to cement his case for #1 QB, and the rest of this team was forgettable. David Johnson (0) is clearly still injured and Le'Veon Bell (8.5) understandably didn't see much of a point giving any effort on Monday night. Mark Andrews (4) only managed 2 receptions and Jordan Howard (7) is showing that his big Week 4 was an anomaly. The Packers D/ST (-3) chipped in a nice negative performance to just spit in your face on top of all the other nonsense. Week 7 was one of Drew's worst performances to date, and it's cost him both his dong and his 1st place crown. In Week 8, he'll be without his beloved Lamar as he takes on his beloved Commish.
4. Voodoo Mama Juju +0
142-130 Win over Dirty D
Christian quietly finished Week 7 as our top scorer, mostly thanks to the inhuman performance of Aaron Rodgers (55). Aaron absolutely torched the Raiders for 5 passing TDs and a rushing score of his own, and did so without his top receiver Davante Adams. The big performance catapulted Rodgers in the rankings and is now tied with Tom Brady at #7. Dalvin Cook (33.5) had a huge bounceback week and remains a top 2 RB on one of the league's hottest offenses. With the way the rest of this team played though, it's a wonder how it put up the points it did. I mean I guess it makes some sense when 2 of your players score 62% of your points, but I digress.
Damien Williams (1) continues to lose snaps and Devin Singletary (2) was not back in game shape. Calvin Ridley (5) was just a bye week fill in but remains entirely reliant on touchdowns. Still probably better than Juju though so you may end up starting him anyway. Christian will have a much easier task in Week 8 against Rob who will have Zeke on a bye and Kerryon on the sidelines.
5. James Whites Only -2
64.5-87 Loss to The DK Crew
In 2 consecutive weeks, the lowest weekly score has a reached a new...well - low. Brendan was absolute poopy garbage in Week 7 and I have the box score to prove it. This team was 1/2 a point away from having the Giants D/ST (12) be its high scorer. Other than Gurley (12.5) no one even managed double digits. Pathetic. Matt Ryan (3) was a human disaster before leaving with an ankle injury. Perfectly timed to go along with Dak's bye! Phillip Lindsay (4.5) finally got usurped for a week by Royce Freeman and I couldn't be happier. Adam Thielen (8.5) is already doubtful for Week 8. Evan Engram (0.5) got poked in the eye and is feeling the effects of the fading Danny Dimes Magic.
This blurb will not follow my usual formula of "insert redeeming quality here". There is no reprieve. You will wallow in this abhorrent performance. At this rate, you'll even lose to Andy in Week 8. ANDY
6. Kittle and Blitz +1
128.5-105.5 Win over The Brady Bunch
Stupid sexy Patriots. The Pats D/ST (23) continue their absolute spanking of the entire league with the Monday Night "Football" against the Jets. The Pats now sit at #15 overall, currently outscoring names like Michael Thomas, Julio Jones, David Johnson, and DeAndre Hopkins. They have 58 more points than the next highest defense. I will continue to talk about this for as long as I have to.
John also had a stellar performance from sudden starter Latavius Murray (35.5) and a promising day on the bench from Chase Edmonds (40). Hoarding back ups does work after all, folks...Gardner Minshew (21) was as solid as you'd like a stream QB to be and Tyler Lockett (14.5) continued his every other week touchdown streak. Lockett, along with DJ Chark are probably the 2 least-talked about top 10 WR.
It was a good win for this squad since it had 2 of its best players on bye, but the future remains murky. Will Latavius return to irrelevance with Kamara's return? Will Shady McCoy find his groove? Will Joe Mixon ever do anything of value? The merry go round of RBs and lack of consistent QB will definitely hurt this team down the stretch, but for now he can revel in his win over the commish.
7. The Brady Bunch -2
105.5-128.5 Loss to Kittle and Blitz
Ya boi got a little too cute in Week 7 and decided to roll out the Kyler Ren (8) in lieu of Tom Brady (14). Not that this decision ultimately mattered since I lost with or without those 6 points. It was just a symptom of a larger problem starting the incorrect players. Marvin Jones (38) decided to eviscerate the usually solid Vikings defense, and while TY Hilton (16), Hopkins (25.5) and Dede Westbrook (19) all performed valiantly, Marvin's unwise benching was a huge blow. Last minute fill-in TJ Hockenson (4.5) was forgettable and Chris Carson (9.5) failed to build on his huge Week 7. It's a tough loss to stomach for your dear leader, but he'll have to get right back into gear against Drew in Week 8. What better time to face the now dickless champ than right after a sub-80 point showing.
8. Drake's New Favorite Team +1
124.114.5 Win over Mickey Mouse Club
In this week's objectively least interesting matchup we actually had some nice performances. Kirk Cousins, yes that Kirk Cousins put up 36 this week and has been on an absolute tear of late, putting up just over 34 points per week since a disastrous Week 4. As rumors of Jameis' demise are starting to creep out of Tampa Bay, perhaps LiMonta won't be able to get in his own way anymore. Start Captain Kirk and let it rip boi. Saquon Barkley (15.5) also returned to action and luckily avoided almost injuring himself again. Amari Cooper (17.5) also pitched in a good bounceback and Courtland Sutton (11) was solid despite some of the worst QB play we have ever seen out of Joe Flacco. In Week 8, LiMonta takes on Mikey D as he tries to bounce back from 2 straight losses.
9. Dirty D -1
130-142 Loss to Voodoo Mama Juju
Looking to make a statement after his sub-70 point week 6, Mikey came out strong and stacked up 130 points. And still lost. Mike got the short end of the stick big time in Week 8, as his team saw solid production out of Leonard Fournette (22), Michael Thomas (22.5), Hunter Henry (12), and Matt Stafford (36). Marlon Mack (7.5) was underwhelming on return from the bye and Manny Sandy (8.5) will hopefully find greener pastures in San Francisco. AJ Green and Drew Brees remain sidelined, and Mike has so far failed to persevere through his injuries and now sits below .500 record. In a must-win Week 8, he'll face of with LiMonta as he tries to keep his playoff hopes alive in his tough division.
10. Alshon Jeffery Epstein's Gals +1
100.5-93 Win over Patty Munch
A solid win for a solid team.
Rob eked out a win over Frank and has Patrick Mahomes' kneecap to thank for it. With productive weeks from Zeke (30) and Diggs (22.5) it was just enough to make up for Russ' weak showing (15) and Devonta Freeman's (2) ejection/irrelevance. Speaking of irrelevant, Kerryon Johnson (2) became just that for the remainder of 2019, as he is heading to IR with a knee injury. You hate to see it. Alshon Jeffery (4) and Jason Witten (5) round out the overall uninspired showing, but a win is a win is a win. Rob may not be so lucky against Christian next week who is coming off a strong performance.
11. Mickey Mouse Club +1
114.5-124 Loss to Drake's New Favorite Team
With the season basically a wash at this point, Andy did pretty much what you expected and lost to LiMonta. Josh Allen (22) put together a sorely-needed decent QB performance for this team, while Josh Jacobs (21.5) and Derrick Henry (18.5) were an excellent 1-2 punch. Travis Kelce (7) has been uncharacteristically less than dominant this season, as he now has 3 straight <10 point and 5 straight <12 point showings. Waiver wire darling Terry McLaurin (1.5) has shown he wilts against tougher defenses and Robby Anderson (1.5) is lucky he got any points after seeing whatever it was Darnold was trying to do on Monday. Still, 114.5 aint bad with the best player in football on a bye. The RB depth here is the best in the league by far, Andy just hasn't been able to capitalize. He'll get Brendan in Week 8, let's hope he scores even less this time.
12. Patty Munch -2
93-100.5 Loss to Alshon Jeffery Epstein's Gals
Remember last week when I said I don't want to get too excited about Frank's team because something bad would happen?
Frankie lost Pat Mahomes (8) only a few hours after that post after just getting Tyreek (17.5) back. Mahomes dislocated his kneecap and while its up in the air how long he'll be out, it's definitely going to be a couple of weeks. And those are weeks this team can't afford to lose at 2-5. Mahomes is a top 5 player and losing him while you're on the brink of elimination is...sub-optimal. Frank managed to lock down good weeks out of Tyreek, Gerald Everett (13) and John Brown (16.5), but failed to recoup anything decent out of Kenny Golladay (2.5), Matt Breida (3.5) or the now injured Mahomes.
Every week is do or die for Frank at this point, as his postseason hopes hang in the balance. He won't have it easy in Week 8 against John who has 2 of his top players returning from bye. If his losing ways continue, it looks like Frank is gonna be buying a tux AND a dress before his wedding.
87-64.5 Win over James Whites Only
It didn't take a lot to win against Brendan this week, and Olc certainly didn't impress anyone. With only 1 starter to manage >12 points, it's a bit of a shock Olc still has a stranglehold on the points title. Melvin Gordon (9) has so far looked incredibly foolish for holding out, and Mark Ingram (5.5) had his worst week of the year. Austin Hooper (12) continues to lead TE's in points, and Julio (12) can't seem to string together a stretch of great games. It was an all around ho-hum week for Johnny, but thanks to his 2 biggest competitors losing in spectacular fashion, he's our top dog for at least the next 7 days. He'll have a much tougher assignment when he takes on ChodeChamp Murph in Week 8.
2. The Jerk Goffs +4
133.5-73 Win over BeWare -
Murph's meteoric rise continued in Week 7, as Dan has now won 4 of his last 5 and is now leading the Melvins division and holding down the #2 spot in points scored. This squad compiled it's 2nd-highest point total of the season, mostly on the backs of Darren Waller (32.5), Jared Goff (26), and Sony Michel (23.5). Aaron Jones (17) even remembered how to catch the ball. However, Will Fuller (0.5) pulled out an old classic and got himself hurt, and will now join Davante Adams, Alvin Kamara, and Sterling Shepard (all DNP) on this teams lengthy list of injuries. All 3 remain questionable, but are trending in the right direction for what it's worth. Fuller will miss some time.
Dan's team is now well positioned, but there remains some questions. Goff has looked completely lost at times, and Keenan Allen (8) now has 4 straight weeks of single digit performances. Sony Michel, while improved lately, plays on an extremely versatile offense that changes its game plan very often. Still though, Dan has just stacked up his 4th win, and has valiantly reclaimed his shaft from Drew. He's going to need every centimeter of it next week against Olc, as two of the top teams in the league will duke it out in the matchup of the week.
3. BeWare - -2
73-133.5 Loss to The Jerk Goffs
What a fucking letdown that was. Both these squads were on a roll coming into the ChodeBowl showdown, and Drew completely fricked it up. Lamar Jackson (28) continues to cement his case for #1 QB, and the rest of this team was forgettable. David Johnson (0) is clearly still injured and Le'Veon Bell (8.5) understandably didn't see much of a point giving any effort on Monday night. Mark Andrews (4) only managed 2 receptions and Jordan Howard (7) is showing that his big Week 4 was an anomaly. The Packers D/ST (-3) chipped in a nice negative performance to just spit in your face on top of all the other nonsense. Week 7 was one of Drew's worst performances to date, and it's cost him both his dong and his 1st place crown. In Week 8, he'll be without his beloved Lamar as he takes on his beloved Commish.
4. Voodoo Mama Juju +0
142-130 Win over Dirty D
Christian quietly finished Week 7 as our top scorer, mostly thanks to the inhuman performance of Aaron Rodgers (55). Aaron absolutely torched the Raiders for 5 passing TDs and a rushing score of his own, and did so without his top receiver Davante Adams. The big performance catapulted Rodgers in the rankings and is now tied with Tom Brady at #7. Dalvin Cook (33.5) had a huge bounceback week and remains a top 2 RB on one of the league's hottest offenses. With the way the rest of this team played though, it's a wonder how it put up the points it did. I mean I guess it makes some sense when 2 of your players score 62% of your points, but I digress.
Damien Williams (1) continues to lose snaps and Devin Singletary (2) was not back in game shape. Calvin Ridley (5) was just a bye week fill in but remains entirely reliant on touchdowns. Still probably better than Juju though so you may end up starting him anyway. Christian will have a much easier task in Week 8 against Rob who will have Zeke on a bye and Kerryon on the sidelines.
5. James Whites Only -2
64.5-87 Loss to The DK Crew
In 2 consecutive weeks, the lowest weekly score has a reached a new...well - low. Brendan was absolute poopy garbage in Week 7 and I have the box score to prove it. This team was 1/2 a point away from having the Giants D/ST (12) be its high scorer. Other than Gurley (12.5) no one even managed double digits. Pathetic. Matt Ryan (3) was a human disaster before leaving with an ankle injury. Perfectly timed to go along with Dak's bye! Phillip Lindsay (4.5) finally got usurped for a week by Royce Freeman and I couldn't be happier. Adam Thielen (8.5) is already doubtful for Week 8. Evan Engram (0.5) got poked in the eye and is feeling the effects of the fading Danny Dimes Magic.
This blurb will not follow my usual formula of "insert redeeming quality here". There is no reprieve. You will wallow in this abhorrent performance. At this rate, you'll even lose to Andy in Week 8. ANDY
6. Kittle and Blitz +1
128.5-105.5 Win over The Brady Bunch
Stupid sexy Patriots. The Pats D/ST (23) continue their absolute spanking of the entire league with the Monday Night "Football" against the Jets. The Pats now sit at #15 overall, currently outscoring names like Michael Thomas, Julio Jones, David Johnson, and DeAndre Hopkins. They have 58 more points than the next highest defense. I will continue to talk about this for as long as I have to.
John also had a stellar performance from sudden starter Latavius Murray (35.5) and a promising day on the bench from Chase Edmonds (40). Hoarding back ups does work after all, folks...Gardner Minshew (21) was as solid as you'd like a stream QB to be and Tyler Lockett (14.5) continued his every other week touchdown streak. Lockett, along with DJ Chark are probably the 2 least-talked about top 10 WR.
It was a good win for this squad since it had 2 of its best players on bye, but the future remains murky. Will Latavius return to irrelevance with Kamara's return? Will Shady McCoy find his groove? Will Joe Mixon ever do anything of value? The merry go round of RBs and lack of consistent QB will definitely hurt this team down the stretch, but for now he can revel in his win over the commish.
7. The Brady Bunch -2
105.5-128.5 Loss to Kittle and Blitz
Ya boi got a little too cute in Week 7 and decided to roll out the Kyler Ren (8) in lieu of Tom Brady (14). Not that this decision ultimately mattered since I lost with or without those 6 points. It was just a symptom of a larger problem starting the incorrect players. Marvin Jones (38) decided to eviscerate the usually solid Vikings defense, and while TY Hilton (16), Hopkins (25.5) and Dede Westbrook (19) all performed valiantly, Marvin's unwise benching was a huge blow. Last minute fill-in TJ Hockenson (4.5) was forgettable and Chris Carson (9.5) failed to build on his huge Week 7. It's a tough loss to stomach for your dear leader, but he'll have to get right back into gear against Drew in Week 8. What better time to face the now dickless champ than right after a sub-80 point showing.
8. Drake's New Favorite Team +1
124.114.5 Win over Mickey Mouse Club
In this week's objectively least interesting matchup we actually had some nice performances. Kirk Cousins, yes that Kirk Cousins put up 36 this week and has been on an absolute tear of late, putting up just over 34 points per week since a disastrous Week 4. As rumors of Jameis' demise are starting to creep out of Tampa Bay, perhaps LiMonta won't be able to get in his own way anymore. Start Captain Kirk and let it rip boi. Saquon Barkley (15.5) also returned to action and luckily avoided almost injuring himself again. Amari Cooper (17.5) also pitched in a good bounceback and Courtland Sutton (11) was solid despite some of the worst QB play we have ever seen out of Joe Flacco. In Week 8, LiMonta takes on Mikey D as he tries to bounce back from 2 straight losses.
9. Dirty D -1
130-142 Loss to Voodoo Mama Juju
Looking to make a statement after his sub-70 point week 6, Mikey came out strong and stacked up 130 points. And still lost. Mike got the short end of the stick big time in Week 8, as his team saw solid production out of Leonard Fournette (22), Michael Thomas (22.5), Hunter Henry (12), and Matt Stafford (36). Marlon Mack (7.5) was underwhelming on return from the bye and Manny Sandy (8.5) will hopefully find greener pastures in San Francisco. AJ Green and Drew Brees remain sidelined, and Mike has so far failed to persevere through his injuries and now sits below .500 record. In a must-win Week 8, he'll face of with LiMonta as he tries to keep his playoff hopes alive in his tough division.
10. Alshon Jeffery Epstein's Gals +1
100.5-93 Win over Patty Munch
A solid win for a solid team.
Rob eked out a win over Frank and has Patrick Mahomes' kneecap to thank for it. With productive weeks from Zeke (30) and Diggs (22.5) it was just enough to make up for Russ' weak showing (15) and Devonta Freeman's (2) ejection/irrelevance. Speaking of irrelevant, Kerryon Johnson (2) became just that for the remainder of 2019, as he is heading to IR with a knee injury. You hate to see it. Alshon Jeffery (4) and Jason Witten (5) round out the overall uninspired showing, but a win is a win is a win. Rob may not be so lucky against Christian next week who is coming off a strong performance.
11. Mickey Mouse Club +1
114.5-124 Loss to Drake's New Favorite Team
With the season basically a wash at this point, Andy did pretty much what you expected and lost to LiMonta. Josh Allen (22) put together a sorely-needed decent QB performance for this team, while Josh Jacobs (21.5) and Derrick Henry (18.5) were an excellent 1-2 punch. Travis Kelce (7) has been uncharacteristically less than dominant this season, as he now has 3 straight <10 point and 5 straight <12 point showings. Waiver wire darling Terry McLaurin (1.5) has shown he wilts against tougher defenses and Robby Anderson (1.5) is lucky he got any points after seeing whatever it was Darnold was trying to do on Monday. Still, 114.5 aint bad with the best player in football on a bye. The RB depth here is the best in the league by far, Andy just hasn't been able to capitalize. He'll get Brendan in Week 8, let's hope he scores even less this time.
12. Patty Munch -2
93-100.5 Loss to Alshon Jeffery Epstein's Gals
Remember last week when I said I don't want to get too excited about Frank's team because something bad would happen?
Frankie lost Pat Mahomes (8) only a few hours after that post after just getting Tyreek (17.5) back. Mahomes dislocated his kneecap and while its up in the air how long he'll be out, it's definitely going to be a couple of weeks. And those are weeks this team can't afford to lose at 2-5. Mahomes is a top 5 player and losing him while you're on the brink of elimination is...sub-optimal. Frank managed to lock down good weeks out of Tyreek, Gerald Everett (13) and John Brown (16.5), but failed to recoup anything decent out of Kenny Golladay (2.5), Matt Breida (3.5) or the now injured Mahomes.
Every week is do or die for Frank at this point, as his postseason hopes hang in the balance. He won't have it easy in Week 8 against John who has 2 of his top players returning from bye. If his losing ways continue, it looks like Frank is gonna be buying a tux AND a dress before his wedding.