Post by TGLC on Oct 17, 2019 17:21:41 GMT -5
1. BeWare - +1
126-117.5 Win over Mickey Mouse Club
The champ is back ladies and gentleman. Drew narrowly avoided handing Andy his second win and solidified his hold on 1st place. Lamar Jackson (38) continues rolling, with Julian Edelman (20.5) and David Johnson (25) also contributing nicely. For a guy that rosters this many New York Jets, Drew is doing quite well. The RB depth will be something to monitor on this squad, as Austin Ekeler (3.5) starts to cede his workload to Melvin Gordon and Le'Veon Bell (12.5) seems to never really pop off. Drew squares off with Murph in Week 7 in our sacred annual C H O D E B O W L.
2. The DK Crew +1
157-135 Win over Alshon Jeffery Epstein's Gals
Olc slam-dunked his way to a victory in Week 6 and in the process took control of most points. It was a great week for Deshaun Watson (33), Nick Chubb (32.5), and Austin Hooper (26). Hooper is now quietly the TE#1 on the year. He's scored 20+ in 3 of 6 weeks this season and is averaging 16 per game. Not bad for an undrafted TE. Hooper joins Chubb, Watson, and Julio Jones (19) within the top 6 at their position. That is: good. Olc gets to take on Brendan in what should be an interesting matchup due to the Falcons connection.
3. James Whites Only -2
97-126.5 Loss to The Brady Bunch
Not gonna lie this is one of the more satisfying matchups for me in recent memory. I always have been the superior man after all, and this just further proves it. For a white supremacy-themed team, you certainly superior this week. UNTERMENSCH.
Brendan made a little bit of an oopsie as he flexed James White (8.5) on a thursday, crippling his roster flexibility when Todd Gurley ultimately succumbed to his injury. It didn't make a difference in the end, but it did force Brendan to start "guy who I legitimately thought was still on the Seahawks" JD MCKissic (1) who did something resembling football. Matt Rya (38) was admittedly great though, and Adam Thielen (14) was fine despite playing 2nd fiddle to mr. Doggs. Cooper Kupp (3) was considerate enough to have his worst week of the year too. Dollar Store Ryan Gosling is working wonders in LA. Brendan gets no small task in facing off with Olc in Week 7.
4. Voodoo Mama Juju +2
93.5-67 Win over The Jerk Goffs
Christian's team still almost put up 100 despite some huge disappointments - but it's not like it really mattered. Murph's trainwreck week meant a cake walk for Christian to bring his squad to .500. Aaron Rodgers (20) had a solid if not unexciting game and Mike Evans (15.5) had a nice bounceback. But uhhh Juju? I know their on their like 4th QB (Delvin Smith? Devlin?) but this is just a disaster. Juju continues to tumble down the WR rankings and has just looked lost all year. Will Dissly also tore his achilles. At least you have paragon of stability Jimmy Graham to fill the void at TE. He's not going to drive you insane, no way. Christian gets to face off with Mike this week, and he scored even less than Murph did. How nice for you.
5. The Brady Bunch +2
126.5-97 Win over James Whites Only
I absolutely love being in the bottom half for points scored while being tied for 1st in my division. Head to head flawlessly measures a team's worth.
Ya boi had great weeks from Thomas (29) and Chris Carson (30), with admirable performances from Jared Cook (10.5), Royce Freeman (10.5), and DeAndre Hopkins (11.5) Hopkins has managed to break double digits twice in a row now, and I gotta say that's pretty sweet for a guy I gave up my 1st round pick and more for. ART OF THE DEAL....Oh also Adrian Peterson (20) did some nice things as well. Prepare for that to never happen again. This team looks good and has 4 wins, but I can confidently say I have yet to go into a matchup feeling comfortable about the outcome. Maybe a week 7 matchup with a bye week-crippled John can raise my spirits.
6. The Jerk Goffs -2
67-93.5 Loss to Voodoo Mama Juju
Ya know, the worst part about this week really isn't the Aaron Jones easy touchdown drop. It's not the 3 Will Fuller touchdown drops either. Well I mean, it's definitely that, but the real problem here is pretty simple folks - Dan no longer has the best kicker in the league. I've said it time and time again, and you'll hear it from fantasy experts all over: Kickers win championships. It's really that easy. The correlation between a strong kicker and a championship roster can not be ignored. But alas, Greg the Leg Zuerlein (1) has fallen to 4th in the kicker standings. 4th! When you're tied for points with a guy named Zane you know there's gonna be issues. I'm sorry man, but without your golden boot, I just don't think it's gonna work out for you this season.
7. Kittle and Blitz +2
126.5-65 Win over Dirty D
Chris Godwin is a man on fire right now. Godwin (25) is currently averaging 23.8 points per week and has had 3 weeks of 25+. Not to shabby for a lottery ticket supposed 2nd WR on a questionable offense. Godwin has been hands down one of the best keepers so far this season, but let's not allow this to distract us from whatever the fuck the Patriots D/ST are pulling. The Pats unit (28) is putting up absurd numbers for a fantasy defense, and are currently ranked #16 overall right between Rivers and Dalton. That is comical.
But hoo boy the rest of this roster is something else. Gardner Minshew II (5), while a fun meme QB, hasn't proven he can cut it for a fantasy roster. Joe Mixon (4) has been an absolute bust and LeSean McCoy (5) can't seem to get into a groove in a confusing Chiefs backfield. The worst part is, John is going to be counting on these very players in Week 7 as he'll have to go without the services of both Godwin and Curtis Samuel (21).
8. Dirty D -2
65-126.5 Loss to Kittle and Blitz
Just when I was hyping this team up, he goes and pulls this. I actually have to extend my thanks to Mike though. With this appalling showing, I am no longer the record holder for lowest scoring week this season. Thanks bud.
Without Marlon Mack, this team was basically a disaster aside from the surprisingly consistent Leonard Fournette (16). Matt Stafford (11) continues to play like, well, Matt Stafford, and Tyler Boyd (2.5) has been wildly inconsistent. Hunter Henry (31) did well though. But he was on the bench. You don't get those points. However, it does add to what I've been saying about this team the last few weeks - give it time. Mike has a good enough record that all he needs to do is tread water until his big boys return. Mack is past his bye, Henry is back and involved in the offense, there's rumors AJ Green may play in Week 7, and Drew Brees draws ever closer to his return. I still hold to the belief that this team can make some noise down the stretch. Just gotta score over 70 first.
9. Drake's New Favorite Team -1
70.5-140 Loss to Patty Munch
Can someone please fill me in on just what the fuck Jameis Winston is? This guy throws 5 interceptions and still scores 22 points. 400 yards is cool and all, but does it make up for giving the ball to the other team almost half a dozen times? Oh also LiMonta just couldn't help himself and started the wrong QB again. Kirk Cousins (40) must have heard the fans, the media, and half of his own teammates talking eternal shit about him and decided to go bananas. Kenyan Drake (11) managed double digits in what I'm just going to assume was his best game all year (it was) and both Chris Thompson (2) and Amari Cooper (0.5) both got hurt. What an absolutely shocking turn of events. This team doesn't seem to have a strength to lean on, but hopefully it won't even need it against Andy in Week 7.
10. Patty Munch +2
140-70.5 Loss to Drake's New Favorite Team
I want to be careful not to get too excited about Frankie's team as I feel like it will jinx him and ultimately lead to him getting crushed the following week. It's just been that kind of year for him.
Tyreek Hill (25.5) returned it grand style and Patty Ice (22) had his "worst" week of the year. The OBJ (18) and Kenny G (19.5) duo also did well. It's almost as if Frank drafted strong on WR and this team is finally playing to it's strength. The Broncos D/ST (20) also had a solid week, and this is the same defense that had no sacks, picks, or fumble recoveries for the first 3 weeks. No takeaways, safeties, blocks, nothing. Straight zeros across the board. I guess all it takes to get your team going is to play opposite professional failure Marcus Mariota. Look at this absolute shit show: (note the amount of Broncos on the field AND the amount of Broncos rushing)
Frank squares off with Rob in Week 7, and the Melvins division is still basically up for grabs. Maybe he can string a couple of W's together and make a push.
11. Alshon Jeffery Epstein's Gals +0
135-157 Loss to The DK Crew
This is what happens when a #11 ranked team plays a #3 ranked team. You tried and you failed. Just couldn't handle the pressure under those bright lights. Chin up, big guy.
All told, Rob actually had a good week. Russell Wilson (30) is rolling right now and both Zeke (29.5) and Devonta Freeman (25.5) were both on point. Freeman just bought himself another week of being a "starter" and ruining my Ito Smith fantasies. I hope you're happy. Alshon Jeffery (18) also came back strong after a few weeks of uncertainty. But oh my Stefon Diggs. Diggs (49.5) wallowed on the bench in favor of Michael Gallup (6) in what ultimately cost Rob the matchup against one of the strongest teams in the league. That's just what separates the 11's and the 3's of the world my friend.
12. Mickey Mouse Club -2
117.5-126 Loss to BeWare -
See man, aren't you just more comfortable down here? Much like Rob, Andy was one blown call away from claiming victory over a much superior man, leaving Robby Anderson (28.5) on the bench in favor of DJ Chark (5.5) This one stings, especially since Labeck the elder was inches away from victory over his kin in Week 5. Still, CMC (21) is shooting for #1 overall pick next year and Scary Terry (29) is already looking like a big value keeper for next year. And next year is what this team's basically playing for at this point so.
Heading into Week 7 with 1 win is far from ideal, but if Andy can get lucky and string together a couple victories, he may be able to stave off wearing the dress yet again. Hell you might even get some good keepers in the process. If you can manage to not screw up too hard against LiMonta in Week 7, maybe you'll actually have a shot.
126-117.5 Win over Mickey Mouse Club
The champ is back ladies and gentleman. Drew narrowly avoided handing Andy his second win and solidified his hold on 1st place. Lamar Jackson (38) continues rolling, with Julian Edelman (20.5) and David Johnson (25) also contributing nicely. For a guy that rosters this many New York Jets, Drew is doing quite well. The RB depth will be something to monitor on this squad, as Austin Ekeler (3.5) starts to cede his workload to Melvin Gordon and Le'Veon Bell (12.5) seems to never really pop off. Drew squares off with Murph in Week 7 in our sacred annual C H O D E B O W L.
2. The DK Crew +1
157-135 Win over Alshon Jeffery Epstein's Gals
Olc slam-dunked his way to a victory in Week 6 and in the process took control of most points. It was a great week for Deshaun Watson (33), Nick Chubb (32.5), and Austin Hooper (26). Hooper is now quietly the TE#1 on the year. He's scored 20+ in 3 of 6 weeks this season and is averaging 16 per game. Not bad for an undrafted TE. Hooper joins Chubb, Watson, and Julio Jones (19) within the top 6 at their position. That is: good. Olc gets to take on Brendan in what should be an interesting matchup due to the Falcons connection.
3. James Whites Only -2
97-126.5 Loss to The Brady Bunch
Not gonna lie this is one of the more satisfying matchups for me in recent memory. I always have been the superior man after all, and this just further proves it. For a white supremacy-themed team, you certainly superior this week. UNTERMENSCH.
Brendan made a little bit of an oopsie as he flexed James White (8.5) on a thursday, crippling his roster flexibility when Todd Gurley ultimately succumbed to his injury. It didn't make a difference in the end, but it did force Brendan to start "guy who I legitimately thought was still on the Seahawks" JD MCKissic (1) who did something resembling football. Matt Rya (38) was admittedly great though, and Adam Thielen (14) was fine despite playing 2nd fiddle to mr. Doggs. Cooper Kupp (3) was considerate enough to have his worst week of the year too. Dollar Store Ryan Gosling is working wonders in LA. Brendan gets no small task in facing off with Olc in Week 7.
4. Voodoo Mama Juju +2
93.5-67 Win over The Jerk Goffs
Christian's team still almost put up 100 despite some huge disappointments - but it's not like it really mattered. Murph's trainwreck week meant a cake walk for Christian to bring his squad to .500. Aaron Rodgers (20) had a solid if not unexciting game and Mike Evans (15.5) had a nice bounceback. But uhhh Juju? I know their on their like 4th QB (Delvin Smith? Devlin?) but this is just a disaster. Juju continues to tumble down the WR rankings and has just looked lost all year. Will Dissly also tore his achilles. At least you have paragon of stability Jimmy Graham to fill the void at TE. He's not going to drive you insane, no way. Christian gets to face off with Mike this week, and he scored even less than Murph did. How nice for you.
5. The Brady Bunch +2
126.5-97 Win over James Whites Only
I absolutely love being in the bottom half for points scored while being tied for 1st in my division. Head to head flawlessly measures a team's worth.
Ya boi had great weeks from Thomas (29) and Chris Carson (30), with admirable performances from Jared Cook (10.5), Royce Freeman (10.5), and DeAndre Hopkins (11.5) Hopkins has managed to break double digits twice in a row now, and I gotta say that's pretty sweet for a guy I gave up my 1st round pick and more for. ART OF THE DEAL....Oh also Adrian Peterson (20) did some nice things as well. Prepare for that to never happen again. This team looks good and has 4 wins, but I can confidently say I have yet to go into a matchup feeling comfortable about the outcome. Maybe a week 7 matchup with a bye week-crippled John can raise my spirits.
6. The Jerk Goffs -2
67-93.5 Loss to Voodoo Mama Juju
Ya know, the worst part about this week really isn't the Aaron Jones easy touchdown drop. It's not the 3 Will Fuller touchdown drops either. Well I mean, it's definitely that, but the real problem here is pretty simple folks - Dan no longer has the best kicker in the league. I've said it time and time again, and you'll hear it from fantasy experts all over: Kickers win championships. It's really that easy. The correlation between a strong kicker and a championship roster can not be ignored. But alas, Greg the Leg Zuerlein (1) has fallen to 4th in the kicker standings. 4th! When you're tied for points with a guy named Zane you know there's gonna be issues. I'm sorry man, but without your golden boot, I just don't think it's gonna work out for you this season.
7. Kittle and Blitz +2
126.5-65 Win over Dirty D
Chris Godwin is a man on fire right now. Godwin (25) is currently averaging 23.8 points per week and has had 3 weeks of 25+. Not to shabby for a lottery ticket supposed 2nd WR on a questionable offense. Godwin has been hands down one of the best keepers so far this season, but let's not allow this to distract us from whatever the fuck the Patriots D/ST are pulling. The Pats unit (28) is putting up absurd numbers for a fantasy defense, and are currently ranked #16 overall right between Rivers and Dalton. That is comical.
But hoo boy the rest of this roster is something else. Gardner Minshew II (5), while a fun meme QB, hasn't proven he can cut it for a fantasy roster. Joe Mixon (4) has been an absolute bust and LeSean McCoy (5) can't seem to get into a groove in a confusing Chiefs backfield. The worst part is, John is going to be counting on these very players in Week 7 as he'll have to go without the services of both Godwin and Curtis Samuel (21).
8. Dirty D -2
65-126.5 Loss to Kittle and Blitz
Just when I was hyping this team up, he goes and pulls this. I actually have to extend my thanks to Mike though. With this appalling showing, I am no longer the record holder for lowest scoring week this season. Thanks bud.
Without Marlon Mack, this team was basically a disaster aside from the surprisingly consistent Leonard Fournette (16). Matt Stafford (11) continues to play like, well, Matt Stafford, and Tyler Boyd (2.5) has been wildly inconsistent. Hunter Henry (31) did well though. But he was on the bench. You don't get those points. However, it does add to what I've been saying about this team the last few weeks - give it time. Mike has a good enough record that all he needs to do is tread water until his big boys return. Mack is past his bye, Henry is back and involved in the offense, there's rumors AJ Green may play in Week 7, and Drew Brees draws ever closer to his return. I still hold to the belief that this team can make some noise down the stretch. Just gotta score over 70 first.
9. Drake's New Favorite Team -1
70.5-140 Loss to Patty Munch
Can someone please fill me in on just what the fuck Jameis Winston is? This guy throws 5 interceptions and still scores 22 points. 400 yards is cool and all, but does it make up for giving the ball to the other team almost half a dozen times? Oh also LiMonta just couldn't help himself and started the wrong QB again. Kirk Cousins (40) must have heard the fans, the media, and half of his own teammates talking eternal shit about him and decided to go bananas. Kenyan Drake (11) managed double digits in what I'm just going to assume was his best game all year (it was) and both Chris Thompson (2) and Amari Cooper (0.5) both got hurt. What an absolutely shocking turn of events. This team doesn't seem to have a strength to lean on, but hopefully it won't even need it against Andy in Week 7.
10. Patty Munch +2
140-70.5 Loss to Drake's New Favorite Team
I want to be careful not to get too excited about Frankie's team as I feel like it will jinx him and ultimately lead to him getting crushed the following week. It's just been that kind of year for him.
Tyreek Hill (25.5) returned it grand style and Patty Ice (22) had his "worst" week of the year. The OBJ (18) and Kenny G (19.5) duo also did well. It's almost as if Frank drafted strong on WR and this team is finally playing to it's strength. The Broncos D/ST (20) also had a solid week, and this is the same defense that had no sacks, picks, or fumble recoveries for the first 3 weeks. No takeaways, safeties, blocks, nothing. Straight zeros across the board. I guess all it takes to get your team going is to play opposite professional failure Marcus Mariota. Look at this absolute shit show: (note the amount of Broncos on the field AND the amount of Broncos rushing)
Frank squares off with Rob in Week 7, and the Melvins division is still basically up for grabs. Maybe he can string a couple of W's together and make a push.
11. Alshon Jeffery Epstein's Gals +0
135-157 Loss to The DK Crew
This is what happens when a #11 ranked team plays a #3 ranked team. You tried and you failed. Just couldn't handle the pressure under those bright lights. Chin up, big guy.
All told, Rob actually had a good week. Russell Wilson (30) is rolling right now and both Zeke (29.5) and Devonta Freeman (25.5) were both on point. Freeman just bought himself another week of being a "starter" and ruining my Ito Smith fantasies. I hope you're happy. Alshon Jeffery (18) also came back strong after a few weeks of uncertainty. But oh my Stefon Diggs. Diggs (49.5) wallowed on the bench in favor of Michael Gallup (6) in what ultimately cost Rob the matchup against one of the strongest teams in the league. That's just what separates the 11's and the 3's of the world my friend.
12. Mickey Mouse Club -2
117.5-126 Loss to BeWare -
See man, aren't you just more comfortable down here? Much like Rob, Andy was one blown call away from claiming victory over a much superior man, leaving Robby Anderson (28.5) on the bench in favor of DJ Chark (5.5) This one stings, especially since Labeck the elder was inches away from victory over his kin in Week 5. Still, CMC (21) is shooting for #1 overall pick next year and Scary Terry (29) is already looking like a big value keeper for next year. And next year is what this team's basically playing for at this point so.
Heading into Week 7 with 1 win is far from ideal, but if Andy can get lucky and string together a couple victories, he may be able to stave off wearing the dress yet again. Hell you might even get some good keepers in the process. If you can manage to not screw up too hard against LiMonta in Week 7, maybe you'll actually have a shot.