Post by Admin on Oct 2, 2019 12:34:32 GMT -5
1. BeWare - (3-1) +1
108-92 Win Over James Whites Only
And just like that, he's back on top baby. There were rumors that this squad was no longer the best in the land, and Drew put those rumors to bed in Week 4. Lamar Jackson (28) continued his streak of excellence and Austin Ekeler (27.5) had one last taste of greatness before Melvin's return. Trade prize David Johnson (18) has been rock solid since switching teams as has Brandin Cooks (10). Remind me why I did this again. Despite a nagging injury and an iffy Week 3, Mark Andrews (11) also performed well, grabbing his 3rd TD of the season. Unlike Andrews and Jackson, though, the Ravens on the other side of the ball (-6) really tried their best to get in Drew's way. Not to mention some very sub-par games from Edelman (5) and Sammy Watkins (4.5) Cmon guys, those are DeAndre Hopkins numbers. You gotta get those numbers up.
It was fun ranking Drew not #1 while it lasted, but I just don't see an end in sight right now. After the tough battle for top spot, Drew will have a markedly easier time in Week 5 against a lowly, terribly ranked team.
2. The DK Crew (3-1) +2
138-104 Win over Drake's New Favorite Team
Don't look now - but John is in 1st place has a 43 point lead on the rest of the league. The Crew had its 2nd straight very strong week, this time mostly on the backs of 3-TD Nick Chubb (46.5) and Rams Receiver Duck-Duck-Goose
co-winner Robert Woods (27.5) Despite the rest of the team having a less than impressive showing, it was more than enough for Olc to dispatch his opponent with ease. Deshaun Watson (13) has continued his maddening trend of inconsistency and Mark Ingram (8.5) seems to be doing the same. It also doesn't help when 1st rounder Julio Jones (7) has his worst week of the young season. The multiple single digit performances across the roster are tough to ignore - but so is 138 points. This team seems determined to succeed regardless of who decided to contribute each week. The next matchup brings Mike D who is fresh off the cheekiest of cheeky wins, and Olc is looking like an early favorite. We may just have an new top dog after all.
3. James Whites Only (3-1) -2
92-108 Loss to BeWare -
You tried so hard. And got so far. But in the end, it doesn't even matter: you blew it. Brendan had a golden opportunity to prove his team is the real deal, only to have multiple misfires and even featured a vintage Brendan move: starting the wrong QB. While Dak (8) has looked like the higher upside play over Matty Ice (22) so far, it was Ryan who actually pulled ahead of Dak this week in both average points (26.2 to 25.7) and positional rank (4 and 5). I look forward to seeing this happen more often. You predicted my QB correctly this week, now maybe you can do your own too.
Back to those misfires, we saw quite a few drop in Week 4. Evan Engram (7) disappeared after his huge Week 3 while Adam Thielen (1) has quietly been one of the biggest busts of the season. Phillip Lindsay (5.5) has seemingly taken a step back every time he separates himself from Noyce Royce Freeman as the lead back. John Ross (4.5) hasn't quite been able to capture the magic he was dishing out in the first 2 weeks of the season. it was nice, however, to see Todd Gurley (21.5) have his best game so far, and Cooper Kupp (27.5) continues to dominate at WR despite his QB's tiny hands and subsequent penchant for fumbling/absolute love for throwing picks. Brendan failed to set himself apart from the rest of the pack, but in Week 5 he'll get to face Frank, who has now experienced back-to-back heartbreakers. You gotta think his spirit is just about broken.
4. Voodoo Mama Juju (2-2) +2
108-100 Win over Mickey Mouse Club
Christian's team is annoyingly good. it lives to spite me. I say Rodgers looks cooked, he scores 34. I say Dalvin Cook (16) won't last, he's pushing for RB#1. Maybe...maybe I just suck? Whatever, at least Juju (2.5) is back to being decidedly "meh". Get used to that.
Regardless, this squad narrowly skated past Labeck the Elder in Week 4 and is sniffing the summit of the Melvins Division. The likes of Mike Evans (19) and Will Dissly (14.5) have continued to contribute, and we'll see if they can continue to do so in Week 5 when Christian takes on Liam. I'm gonna go with a new strategy here: Christian's team is very good and all of his players are very nice people. They will definitely win this week.
5. The Jerk Goffs (2-2) +4
133-116 Win over Kittle and Blitz
Ok I'll give it up an finally give this team a little respect. It's earned that. Dan had another big week, highlighted mostly by Davante Adams (28) and waiver wire gem Phillip Rivers (27), although Adams is now slated to possibly miss some time. There are plenty of options to backfill for Adams in Sterling Shepard (12.5), Will Fuller (3.5), Josh Gordon (5.5) and Golden Tate, and I'm fairly certain Dan won't start the right one. It's just his nature.
Despite a slow start, this roster has really come into its own the last couple of weeks. Even after losing Brees, Alvin Kamara (10.5) hasn't shown any ill effects. Aaron Jones (15) has continued to perform as well, and will be in line for more carries after Jamaal Williams' lobotomy. With the Adams injury though, it's a test of depth that Dan will have to wade through carefully if he wants to continue his winning ways against LiMonta in Week 5.
6. Drake's New Favorite Team (2-2) -1
104-138 Loss to The DK Crew
I think it's safe to say the 8th round Kirk Cousins experiment is over. LiMonta has yet to even start Kirk this year and with the way Jameis is playing, I don't blame him. Winston (39) had another huge week and has catapulted himself into top-10 QB consideration. What a time to be alive. I feel like Winston's impending 4-pick game will come at the least convenient time for this squad. That should be fun.
Outside of Winston, waiver treasure Wayne Gallman (25) lit it up in lieu of Saquon and Zach Ertz (9.5) continues his long quest for the end zone. Other than that, though, it was a forgettable week. Chris Thompson (7) is cursed with being on the Redskins ( a team that can only manage 3 points against the Giants) and Amari Cooper (6.5) was stifled by a poor Dak showing and a strong Saints defense. Larry Fitz (6.5) and DJ Moore (5.5) were no better. Maybe its time you rolled out Courtland Sutton. He's far too good to be rotting on your bench with the likes of Cousins and Kenyan Drake. Huh, I feel like those 2 players hold some sort of significance.
7. Dirty D (2-2) +3
95.5-95 Win over Hotel, Odell, Golladay Inn
In a week Mike had no business winning, he came out on top at the very last minute. It was an absolute nail biter, but in the end a W is a W. Mike's Week 4 was highlighted mostly by a big game out of Lenny Fournette (32), a solid one from Michael Thomas (13.5) and a much more subdued Daniel Jones (14). Marlon Mack (4) had a tough go before leaving the game with an injury and Tyler Eifert (3) has continued to underwhelm in Hunter Henry's place. But the real hero is Mr. Tyler Boyd. Despite Boyd's pretty weak game (4.5) that .5 points ended up making all the difference on a MNF football that was basically an unwatchable mess.
The win is a cause for celebration, but Mike still has failed to score 100 points since Week 1. He is currently sitting dead last in Points For and has yet to receive any reinforcement from AJ Green, Hunter Henry, or Drew Brees. Mike will have to seriously punch above his weight class until those players return, and it will be tough sledding in Week 5 against Olc's white-hot squad.
8. Kittle and Blitz (1-3) -1
116-133 Loss to The Jerk Goffs
6th most points but you're in 10th? Sounds about right for John. Despite averaging 125.5 points over the last 2 weeks, John has managed to lose both matchups by virtue of playing 2 of the hottest teams in the league. This most recent letdown featured a huge week from Chris Godwin (40) and a Patriots D/ST (23) who are recording historically good numbers. Even LeSean McCoy (16) has shown some great value. The same can't be said for Josh Allen (9) who looked ineffective before leaving the game with a blow to the head. Not to be outdone, Tyler Lockett (7) was also a huge disappointment despite facing one of the most exploitable defenses in the league. Curtis Samuel (4.5) is a decent ceiling flex play, but looks like he has so far lost out to DJ Moore and Greg Olsen as top targets in Carolina. Not to mention the volume that CMC eats into as well.
With the minor letdowns of Mixon and Kittle so far, the enormous Ab shitstorm, and the murkiness at QB, this team has already faced some big hurdles. The fact that it can still score points is encouraging, and with what should be a cake walk matchup in Week 5 against his brother, John may not be destined for a losing season just yet.
9. The Brady Bunch (2-2) -6
66-103 Loss to Alshon Jeffery Epstein's Gals
There's no easy way to do this. It's hard to even come up with the correct words to convey the absolute shittery that occurred here. This is, without a doubt, one of the worst weeks I have ever seen out of any team in the 7 years we've been doing this. I feel like I lost my phone, got a flat tire, and was punched in the crotch all at once. I want to lock myself in a room and never come out. It's actually really brave of me that I'm even doing this, you guys. Seriously, I think you all need to congratulate me for being such a trooper after my team shit all of the beds in the universe.
Let's all squint together and try to find something good here. Oh ok, Chris Carson (23) did some cool stuff and Will Lutz (14) brought out the boot. Marvin Jones (8.5) did fine I guess as a last-minute TY replacement. Tom Brady (5)...What the fuck, man? Did you accidentally eat something that wasn't an avocado? Did you not tongue your son hard enough before bed last night? Jesus Christ dude I give you fun little nicknames every week and you do that? Oh and fuck you too Mecole Hardman (-1). You play on one of the most prolific offenses ever and you put up negative points? Cmon man, at least DeAndre Hopkins (4.5) found a creative way to be bad by throwing an interception. What's your excuse? I'm so excited to have a comeback week, score 110ish points and still lose. This script writes itself. I hope Adrian Peterson falls off a cliff.
10. Alshon Jeffery Epstein's Gals (2-2) +1
103-66 Loss to The Brady Bunch
I'm glad you take so much pride in beating up the disabled. If it wasn't for half of Mike's team being hurt you'd have the fewest points in the league. So, naturally, you beat me by 37.
Rob's team continues to corner the market on the unexciting, with Kerryon Johnson (21) finally breaking the 20 point plateau and Zeke averaging just over 18 per game while playing 3 of 4 games against the worst defenses assembled in 2019. Devonta Freeman (14) finally had a somewhat solid game, ditto Stefon Diggs (16.5), so that's nice for you. Still waiting on that OJ Howard (4.5) breakout though. Any day now. Rob will have to go without the services of Kerryon in Week 5 when he takes on Drew. Good luck against an actual roster, I'm sure you'll do great.
11. Hotel, Odell, Golladay Inn (1-3) -3
95-95.5 Loss to Dirty D
Back to back daggers like that would be enough to break anyone. I've been imagining Frank crouched in a dark corner muttering "Terry McLaurin, Tyler Boyd" over and over again like some sort of deranged Arya Stark-esque hitlist.
In Week 4, Frank's team struggled to get things going. Kenny Golladay (20.5) had a nice week going into his bye, and Pat Mahomes (24) was fine despite this being a bad week by his standards. Darrell Williams (16.5) looks like he has a chance to get some volume in a confusing Chiefs backfield, and TJ Hockenson (9.5) looked to be having a bounce back week prior to his Bye Week/funeral. Odell (3) was a letdown as Nick Chubb stole the show for Cleveland. But there is hope! Tyreek may be back sooner than expected! Could Frank rally in Week 5? Brendan doesn't have anyone going in MNF, so at least you won't have to live through more PTSD.
12. Mickey Mouse Club (1-3) +0
100-108 Loss to Voodoo Mama Juju
The Week 3 win was cool and all, but yeah, this is more of what we expected. CMC (30) continued to throw down his hog on the table and James Conner (23) had by far his best game of the year even with an injury. Even Derrick Henry (17.5) is still rolling along and hasn't scored under double digits all season. Then there's...other stuff? Marquise Brown (4) has continually slid after his huge opening, and has lost rights to being called Hollywood until he returns to form. Dj Chark (6) reminded us that trusting Jaguars is pretty much playing with matches. Kyle Allen (5)? Kyle Allen has the same number of fumbles as he does touchdowns. He is only playing because of the walking ("walking" really) cautionary tale that is Cam Newton finally giving up the hope that his body is anywhere near in condition to play in the NFL. Want to know something funny? If you had played Geronimo Allison over Marquise Brown you would have won by half a point. Are you having fun yet? Let's see which 1-3 Labeck can more successfully throw away victory in Week 5.
108-92 Win Over James Whites Only
And just like that, he's back on top baby. There were rumors that this squad was no longer the best in the land, and Drew put those rumors to bed in Week 4. Lamar Jackson (28) continued his streak of excellence and Austin Ekeler (27.5) had one last taste of greatness before Melvin's return. Trade prize David Johnson (18) has been rock solid since switching teams as has Brandin Cooks (10). Remind me why I did this again. Despite a nagging injury and an iffy Week 3, Mark Andrews (11) also performed well, grabbing his 3rd TD of the season. Unlike Andrews and Jackson, though, the Ravens on the other side of the ball (-6) really tried their best to get in Drew's way. Not to mention some very sub-par games from Edelman (5) and Sammy Watkins (4.5) Cmon guys, those are DeAndre Hopkins numbers. You gotta get those numbers up.
It was fun ranking Drew not #1 while it lasted, but I just don't see an end in sight right now. After the tough battle for top spot, Drew will have a markedly easier time in Week 5 against a lowly, terribly ranked team.
2. The DK Crew (3-1) +2
138-104 Win over Drake's New Favorite Team
Don't look now - but John is in 1st place has a 43 point lead on the rest of the league. The Crew had its 2nd straight very strong week, this time mostly on the backs of 3-TD Nick Chubb (46.5) and Rams Receiver Duck-Duck-Goose
co-winner Robert Woods (27.5) Despite the rest of the team having a less than impressive showing, it was more than enough for Olc to dispatch his opponent with ease. Deshaun Watson (13) has continued his maddening trend of inconsistency and Mark Ingram (8.5) seems to be doing the same. It also doesn't help when 1st rounder Julio Jones (7) has his worst week of the young season. The multiple single digit performances across the roster are tough to ignore - but so is 138 points. This team seems determined to succeed regardless of who decided to contribute each week. The next matchup brings Mike D who is fresh off the cheekiest of cheeky wins, and Olc is looking like an early favorite. We may just have an new top dog after all.
3. James Whites Only (3-1) -2
92-108 Loss to BeWare -
You tried so hard. And got so far. But in the end, it doesn't even matter: you blew it. Brendan had a golden opportunity to prove his team is the real deal, only to have multiple misfires and even featured a vintage Brendan move: starting the wrong QB. While Dak (8) has looked like the higher upside play over Matty Ice (22) so far, it was Ryan who actually pulled ahead of Dak this week in both average points (26.2 to 25.7) and positional rank (4 and 5). I look forward to seeing this happen more often. You predicted my QB correctly this week, now maybe you can do your own too.
Back to those misfires, we saw quite a few drop in Week 4. Evan Engram (7) disappeared after his huge Week 3 while Adam Thielen (1) has quietly been one of the biggest busts of the season. Phillip Lindsay (5.5) has seemingly taken a step back every time he separates himself from Noyce Royce Freeman as the lead back. John Ross (4.5) hasn't quite been able to capture the magic he was dishing out in the first 2 weeks of the season. it was nice, however, to see Todd Gurley (21.5) have his best game so far, and Cooper Kupp (27.5) continues to dominate at WR despite his QB's tiny hands and subsequent penchant for fumbling/absolute love for throwing picks. Brendan failed to set himself apart from the rest of the pack, but in Week 5 he'll get to face Frank, who has now experienced back-to-back heartbreakers. You gotta think his spirit is just about broken.
4. Voodoo Mama Juju (2-2) +2
108-100 Win over Mickey Mouse Club
Christian's team is annoyingly good. it lives to spite me. I say Rodgers looks cooked, he scores 34. I say Dalvin Cook (16) won't last, he's pushing for RB#1. Maybe...maybe I just suck? Whatever, at least Juju (2.5) is back to being decidedly "meh". Get used to that.
Regardless, this squad narrowly skated past Labeck the Elder in Week 4 and is sniffing the summit of the Melvins Division. The likes of Mike Evans (19) and Will Dissly (14.5) have continued to contribute, and we'll see if they can continue to do so in Week 5 when Christian takes on Liam. I'm gonna go with a new strategy here: Christian's team is very good and all of his players are very nice people. They will definitely win this week.
5. The Jerk Goffs (2-2) +4
133-116 Win over Kittle and Blitz
Ok I'll give it up an finally give this team a little respect. It's earned that. Dan had another big week, highlighted mostly by Davante Adams (28) and waiver wire gem Phillip Rivers (27), although Adams is now slated to possibly miss some time. There are plenty of options to backfill for Adams in Sterling Shepard (12.5), Will Fuller (3.5), Josh Gordon (5.5) and Golden Tate, and I'm fairly certain Dan won't start the right one. It's just his nature.
Despite a slow start, this roster has really come into its own the last couple of weeks. Even after losing Brees, Alvin Kamara (10.5) hasn't shown any ill effects. Aaron Jones (15) has continued to perform as well, and will be in line for more carries after Jamaal Williams' lobotomy. With the Adams injury though, it's a test of depth that Dan will have to wade through carefully if he wants to continue his winning ways against LiMonta in Week 5.
6. Drake's New Favorite Team (2-2) -1
104-138 Loss to The DK Crew
I think it's safe to say the 8th round Kirk Cousins experiment is over. LiMonta has yet to even start Kirk this year and with the way Jameis is playing, I don't blame him. Winston (39) had another huge week and has catapulted himself into top-10 QB consideration. What a time to be alive. I feel like Winston's impending 4-pick game will come at the least convenient time for this squad. That should be fun.
Outside of Winston, waiver treasure Wayne Gallman (25) lit it up in lieu of Saquon and Zach Ertz (9.5) continues his long quest for the end zone. Other than that, though, it was a forgettable week. Chris Thompson (7) is cursed with being on the Redskins ( a team that can only manage 3 points against the Giants) and Amari Cooper (6.5) was stifled by a poor Dak showing and a strong Saints defense. Larry Fitz (6.5) and DJ Moore (5.5) were no better. Maybe its time you rolled out Courtland Sutton. He's far too good to be rotting on your bench with the likes of Cousins and Kenyan Drake. Huh, I feel like those 2 players hold some sort of significance.
7. Dirty D (2-2) +3
95.5-95 Win over Hotel, Odell, Golladay Inn
In a week Mike had no business winning, he came out on top at the very last minute. It was an absolute nail biter, but in the end a W is a W. Mike's Week 4 was highlighted mostly by a big game out of Lenny Fournette (32), a solid one from Michael Thomas (13.5) and a much more subdued Daniel Jones (14). Marlon Mack (4) had a tough go before leaving the game with an injury and Tyler Eifert (3) has continued to underwhelm in Hunter Henry's place. But the real hero is Mr. Tyler Boyd. Despite Boyd's pretty weak game (4.5) that .5 points ended up making all the difference on a MNF football that was basically an unwatchable mess.
The win is a cause for celebration, but Mike still has failed to score 100 points since Week 1. He is currently sitting dead last in Points For and has yet to receive any reinforcement from AJ Green, Hunter Henry, or Drew Brees. Mike will have to seriously punch above his weight class until those players return, and it will be tough sledding in Week 5 against Olc's white-hot squad.
8. Kittle and Blitz (1-3) -1
116-133 Loss to The Jerk Goffs
6th most points but you're in 10th? Sounds about right for John. Despite averaging 125.5 points over the last 2 weeks, John has managed to lose both matchups by virtue of playing 2 of the hottest teams in the league. This most recent letdown featured a huge week from Chris Godwin (40) and a Patriots D/ST (23) who are recording historically good numbers. Even LeSean McCoy (16) has shown some great value. The same can't be said for Josh Allen (9) who looked ineffective before leaving the game with a blow to the head. Not to be outdone, Tyler Lockett (7) was also a huge disappointment despite facing one of the most exploitable defenses in the league. Curtis Samuel (4.5) is a decent ceiling flex play, but looks like he has so far lost out to DJ Moore and Greg Olsen as top targets in Carolina. Not to mention the volume that CMC eats into as well.
With the minor letdowns of Mixon and Kittle so far, the enormous Ab shitstorm, and the murkiness at QB, this team has already faced some big hurdles. The fact that it can still score points is encouraging, and with what should be a cake walk matchup in Week 5 against his brother, John may not be destined for a losing season just yet.
9. The Brady Bunch (2-2) -6
66-103 Loss to Alshon Jeffery Epstein's Gals
There's no easy way to do this. It's hard to even come up with the correct words to convey the absolute shittery that occurred here. This is, without a doubt, one of the worst weeks I have ever seen out of any team in the 7 years we've been doing this. I feel like I lost my phone, got a flat tire, and was punched in the crotch all at once. I want to lock myself in a room and never come out. It's actually really brave of me that I'm even doing this, you guys. Seriously, I think you all need to congratulate me for being such a trooper after my team shit all of the beds in the universe.
Let's all squint together and try to find something good here. Oh ok, Chris Carson (23) did some cool stuff and Will Lutz (14) brought out the boot. Marvin Jones (8.5) did fine I guess as a last-minute TY replacement. Tom Brady (5)...What the fuck, man? Did you accidentally eat something that wasn't an avocado? Did you not tongue your son hard enough before bed last night? Jesus Christ dude I give you fun little nicknames every week and you do that? Oh and fuck you too Mecole Hardman (-1). You play on one of the most prolific offenses ever and you put up negative points? Cmon man, at least DeAndre Hopkins (4.5) found a creative way to be bad by throwing an interception. What's your excuse? I'm so excited to have a comeback week, score 110ish points and still lose. This script writes itself. I hope Adrian Peterson falls off a cliff.
10. Alshon Jeffery Epstein's Gals (2-2) +1
103-66 Loss to The Brady Bunch
I'm glad you take so much pride in beating up the disabled. If it wasn't for half of Mike's team being hurt you'd have the fewest points in the league. So, naturally, you beat me by 37.
Rob's team continues to corner the market on the unexciting, with Kerryon Johnson (21) finally breaking the 20 point plateau and Zeke averaging just over 18 per game while playing 3 of 4 games against the worst defenses assembled in 2019. Devonta Freeman (14) finally had a somewhat solid game, ditto Stefon Diggs (16.5), so that's nice for you. Still waiting on that OJ Howard (4.5) breakout though. Any day now. Rob will have to go without the services of Kerryon in Week 5 when he takes on Drew. Good luck against an actual roster, I'm sure you'll do great.
11. Hotel, Odell, Golladay Inn (1-3) -3
95-95.5 Loss to Dirty D
Back to back daggers like that would be enough to break anyone. I've been imagining Frank crouched in a dark corner muttering "Terry McLaurin, Tyler Boyd" over and over again like some sort of deranged Arya Stark-esque hitlist.
In Week 4, Frank's team struggled to get things going. Kenny Golladay (20.5) had a nice week going into his bye, and Pat Mahomes (24) was fine despite this being a bad week by his standards. Darrell Williams (16.5) looks like he has a chance to get some volume in a confusing Chiefs backfield, and TJ Hockenson (9.5) looked to be having a bounce back week prior to his Bye Week/funeral. Odell (3) was a letdown as Nick Chubb stole the show for Cleveland. But there is hope! Tyreek may be back sooner than expected! Could Frank rally in Week 5? Brendan doesn't have anyone going in MNF, so at least you won't have to live through more PTSD.
12. Mickey Mouse Club (1-3) +0
100-108 Loss to Voodoo Mama Juju
The Week 3 win was cool and all, but yeah, this is more of what we expected. CMC (30) continued to throw down his hog on the table and James Conner (23) had by far his best game of the year even with an injury. Even Derrick Henry (17.5) is still rolling along and hasn't scored under double digits all season. Then there's...other stuff? Marquise Brown (4) has continually slid after his huge opening, and has lost rights to being called Hollywood until he returns to form. Dj Chark (6) reminded us that trusting Jaguars is pretty much playing with matches. Kyle Allen (5)? Kyle Allen has the same number of fumbles as he does touchdowns. He is only playing because of the walking ("walking" really) cautionary tale that is Cam Newton finally giving up the hope that his body is anywhere near in condition to play in the NFL. Want to know something funny? If you had played Geronimo Allison over Marquise Brown you would have won by half a point. Are you having fun yet? Let's see which 1-3 Labeck can more successfully throw away victory in Week 5.