Post by Admin on Sept 15, 2020 20:28:57 GMT -5
Power Rankings - Week 1
1. Mickey Mouse Club (1-0)
135-74 victory over Dirty D (0-1)
Stop me if you’ve heard this before: “Andy tears it up in the regular season, scoring 120+ almost every week, ends up a top competitor for the championship, and goes home with the trophy” If you can spot the difference between this and reality, you win a prize!
Labeck the elder is once again off to a hot start, picking up right where he left off in the 2019 regular season. Aaron Rodgers (41) showed he is still very much capable of elite QB numbers, while Josh Jacobs (35) scored 3 on the ground while still showing he can be a dual threat for Las Vegas. The WR trio of Hill (12.5), Chark (9.5), and Lockett (13) all contributed adequately, but it’s not like they were needed all that much as Andy could have rolled out just Rodgers and Jacobs and still would have beaten Mike. He’ll get to face off against his own flesh and blood in Week 2.
2. Murph’s Team Stinks (1-0)
144.5-126.5 victory over The Washington Fantasy Team (0-1)
We have our Week 1 high scorer! And with all due respect, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say no one expected it to be Steve.
Steve rode some excellent performances from Russell Wilson (38), Derrick Henry (21.5), Raheem Mostert (26), and JuJu (21) on his way to victory in Week 1. JuJu was able take advantage of an absolutely porous Giants defense, while Mostert staked his claim as lead back in San Fran. Looks like that trade was worth it after all, huh? He’ll get no reprieve in Week 2 against Frank who is fresh off a MNF victory.
3. The Washington Fantasy Team (0-1)
126.5-144.5 Loss to Murph’s Team Stinks (0-1)
Oh what providence, what divine intelligence that Murph would lose to a team named after his stinkitude? The universe works in mysterious ways. God is good.
All in all though, Salary Dan still put up a hell of a week, sporting great weeks from Lamar Jackson (29), Calvin Ridley (34.5), and a freshly-paid Dalvin Cook (22.5). Ridley will have to keep those numbers coming too, as it appears Allen Robinson (9.5) is a not too happy camper in Chicago and the WR depth after him is a bit of a shrug emoji. Dan gets the reigning champ in Week 2.
4. Hasta Laviska Baby (1-0)
121.5-104.5 victory over TheReturn End Revenge of the Mack (0-1)
John was able to snag a victory in Week 1 over his roomie, leaning on Adam Thielen (33) and Zeke Elliott (27.5) to do much of the heavy lifting while Jared Garf (12), George Kittle (6), Cooper Kupp (6) and last minute replacement Boston Scott (5) were a collective “meh”. Chris Godwin (10) also did not deliver on his projections, but it’s possible that Big Time Tom just wasn’t up to speed in his new offense yet. Love you, Tommy. John has the pleasure of lining up opposite his big bro this week in what should be a No Ball Pussy Loser main event. That’s right, it’s the MATCHUP OF THE WEEK!
5. Drake’s New Favorite Team (1-0)
139-113.5 victory over Chicken Finger Poops (0-1)
The champ has arrived, and he ain’t taking his foot off the gas for nobody. Coming up just short of the Week 1 high score, LiMonta had a huge week. Well, 3 of his players did at least. Everyone else was, uh, present? I guess.
Josh Allen (36) maneuvered around 2 hilarious fumbles to have himself a good day. Boulder of salt though - it was the Jets. However, the WR duo of Julio Jones (24.5) and Davante Adams (39) is already delivering a great ROI that LiMonta made on draft day. The RB corps of Jordan Howard (6) and Mark Ingram (3) are a bit more concerning though. In Week 2 against Dan, we’ll see if a couple of big games can prop this team up again.
6. Wet Ass P-Words(1-0)
122-92.5 victory over DeVante’s Inferno (0-1)
Let’s just say, hypothetically, for the sake of the argument, that I did, in fact, beat Frankie. It’s too bad facts and logic don’t care about my feelings, because Frank did very much in reality beat me in Week 1, getting a predictably great week from CMC (27.5), a yardage feast from Matt Ryan (34) and good to great supporting cast roles from Will Fuller (20) and Noah Fant (16.5).
There were some very clear issues though. Miles Sanders’ late injury thrust Antonio Gibson (4) into starting and his hype train may have gotten a little ahead of itself. OBJ (3.5) simply vanished and AJ Brown (5.5) is probably doing more good just blocking for Derrick Henry than he is catching the ball. He had an easy matchup in Week 1 but we’ll see how he fares against someone with good players in Week 2.
7. BeWare - (1-0)
126.5-92.5 victory over The DK Crew (0-1)
With distracting DeAndre Hopkins (27) trade rumors constantly swirling, Drew was able to pull off a victory in Week 1, owed in part to a 151 yard performance from DHop himself, as well as a solid week from Danny Dimes (22), a 2-TD afternoon from Mark Andrews (19.5), and double digit performances from John Brown (16) and Kenyan Drake (14). The only real disappointment was Austin Ekeler (9.5) who didn’t even really do all that bad, but struggled compared to his teammates.
With Daniel Jones as the only QB on the roster, Drew will really be rolling the dice on the Jason Garrett-led Giants offense not being completely inept every week. Maybe he could somehow swing a trade where he can cash in on his WR depth for a proven veteran QB while also bringing in some extra RB depth. I don’t know I’m just spitballin here. Have fun beating Rob next week.
8. Chicken Finger Poops (0-1)
113.5-139 loss to Drake’s New Favorite Team (1-0)
Christian was no match for the reigning champ in Week 1, despite a solid showing from multiple players. Patty Ice (22) did well, but was far from his normal big game self, and Alvin Kamara (21.5) celebrated his payday with a variety of touchdowns. Travis Kelce (14) has proven the QB-TE stack to be a so far success and Melvin Gordon (13.5) did well for his namesake division. The WR corps was a lot less stellar, however. Diontae Johnson (6) fumbled his way into mediocrity on MNF while TY Hilton (7) showed that even with a QB he still just isn’t very good. I’m so glad you drafted him so that I couldn’t again. Christian gets to take on yours truly in Week 2 to see who gets sole possession of the Melvins basement.
9. DeVante’s Inferno (0-1)
92.5-122 loss to Wet Ass P-Words (1-0)
Hey look at that, David Johnson (18.5) did pretty good! Aside from him and Marquise Brown (17.5) though, you can probably just keep scrolling past this. After DJ’s admirable performance in the season opener, this team went full disappointment mode, constantly tantalizing the possibility of points without actually giving them to you. I’ll just go right ahead and say it, this team is a real cock tease.
DeVante Parker (6) was forgettable and twisted his ankle or something, while Sleepy Joe Mixon (5.5) watched the Bungles blow their shot at sweet sweet overtime yards. Speaking of overtime, due to an OPI call, Dak (19) and Amari Cooper (13) were also robbed of a shot at extra fantasy production. And trust me, they needed it. Evan Engram (1) simply looked like he forgot how to catch a football. There is no joke there, that is just stating facts I can see with my own eyeballs. Trash team, trash manager. Why did I wait around all year for this? Next week I get...Christian? Hey 1-1 ain’t so bad.
10. The End of the Mack (0-1)
104.5-121.5 Loss to Hasta Laviska Baby (1-0)
Old Lyin’ Kyler Murray (29) is at it again! He wants you to believe he’s going to rush for 90+ yards every week. Wrong! Meanwhile, Low Energy Clyde Edwards-Helaire (26) thinks taking advantage of a poor Texans defense is leadership. Sleepy Clyde plays on the most unfair offense of all time! The TV ratings for that Thursday Night Football were the lowest in history.
Also, why won’t the media ever go after DeSean Jackson (5) like they go after me? Jackson could barely make a catch out there and I’m pretty sure he’s a Hitler sympathizer or something. I don’t know, I don’t read these things!
By the way, when is Shaky Knees Todd Gurley (13) going to hang it up? The Atlanta Falcons deserve better! And let’s not forget Maniac Mike Evans starting a brutal fight on the field. Total thug! Meanwhile, crooked Kenny Golladay didn’t even have the decency to take the field. Sad!
11. Dirty D (0-1)
74-135 Loss to Mickey Mouse Club (1-0)
Things just never got started for Mike’s club in Week 1, as Andy nearly lapped him in points and his own squad could barely muster any double digit players. Desahun Watson (22) had a solid game despite having a clear lack at WR, and Chris Carson (21) had 2 receiving touchdowns as if to say he’s not going anywhere when it comes to Seattle’s backfield. Kerryon Johnson (1) is at best the #2 RB on his team and the #1 is like 43 years old. Le’Veon Bell (5) was a yardage disaster and human traffic cone Adam Gase sent him back out knowing he was injured.. /Jets.
The big red flag here is Michael Thomas (2). Thomas is most likely out for multiple weeks after suffering an ankle sprain. Cue every dickhead (me) sending Mike trade offers…….now! Lucky for Mike, he gets another team that’s currently underperforming when Week 2 rolls around.
12. The DK Crew (0-1)
92.5-126.5 Loss to BeWare - (1-0)
You know who else suffers with Michael Thomas out? His quarterback. Drew Brees (15) looked very much like a 41 year old on Sunday, relying mostly on Alvin Kamara to get that thicc YAC to pad his own numbers. Nick Chubb (5) was a letdown despite a solid YPC and he threw in a fumble for good measure. Robert Woods (19) looked like an excellent bargain and has definitely benefited from the vacated targets that Texans wideout and current dried out husk Brandin Cooks left behind, and DK Metcalf (17) is rolling along with his chemistry with Wilson.
But my lord, what a terrible night for Saquon. Not for him personally. Just, like, as a person. Yeah 10 points is really not great for a #2 overall pick but Jesus Christ his team did him no favors. John will seriously have to hope for the Giants to get into some better game situations so the best player on the team can actually, y’know, do things. He’ll get Mikey D in Week 2.
1. Mickey Mouse Club (1-0)
135-74 victory over Dirty D (0-1)
Stop me if you’ve heard this before: “Andy tears it up in the regular season, scoring 120+ almost every week, ends up a top competitor for the championship, and goes home with the trophy” If you can spot the difference between this and reality, you win a prize!
Labeck the elder is once again off to a hot start, picking up right where he left off in the 2019 regular season. Aaron Rodgers (41) showed he is still very much capable of elite QB numbers, while Josh Jacobs (35) scored 3 on the ground while still showing he can be a dual threat for Las Vegas. The WR trio of Hill (12.5), Chark (9.5), and Lockett (13) all contributed adequately, but it’s not like they were needed all that much as Andy could have rolled out just Rodgers and Jacobs and still would have beaten Mike. He’ll get to face off against his own flesh and blood in Week 2.
2. Murph’s Team Stinks (1-0)
144.5-126.5 victory over The Washington Fantasy Team (0-1)
We have our Week 1 high scorer! And with all due respect, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say no one expected it to be Steve.
Steve rode some excellent performances from Russell Wilson (38), Derrick Henry (21.5), Raheem Mostert (26), and JuJu (21) on his way to victory in Week 1. JuJu was able take advantage of an absolutely porous Giants defense, while Mostert staked his claim as lead back in San Fran. Looks like that trade was worth it after all, huh? He’ll get no reprieve in Week 2 against Frank who is fresh off a MNF victory.
3. The Washington Fantasy Team (0-1)
126.5-144.5 Loss to Murph’s Team Stinks (0-1)
Oh what providence, what divine intelligence that Murph would lose to a team named after his stinkitude? The universe works in mysterious ways. God is good.
All in all though, Salary Dan still put up a hell of a week, sporting great weeks from Lamar Jackson (29), Calvin Ridley (34.5), and a freshly-paid Dalvin Cook (22.5). Ridley will have to keep those numbers coming too, as it appears Allen Robinson (9.5) is a not too happy camper in Chicago and the WR depth after him is a bit of a shrug emoji. Dan gets the reigning champ in Week 2.
4. Hasta Laviska Baby (1-0)
121.5-104.5 victory over The
John was able to snag a victory in Week 1 over his roomie, leaning on Adam Thielen (33) and Zeke Elliott (27.5) to do much of the heavy lifting while Jared Garf (12), George Kittle (6), Cooper Kupp (6) and last minute replacement Boston Scott (5) were a collective “meh”. Chris Godwin (10) also did not deliver on his projections, but it’s possible that Big Time Tom just wasn’t up to speed in his new offense yet. Love you, Tommy. John has the pleasure of lining up opposite his big bro this week in what should be a No Ball Pussy Loser main event. That’s right, it’s the MATCHUP OF THE WEEK!
5. Drake’s New Favorite Team (1-0)
139-113.5 victory over Chicken Finger Poops (0-1)
The champ has arrived, and he ain’t taking his foot off the gas for nobody. Coming up just short of the Week 1 high score, LiMonta had a huge week. Well, 3 of his players did at least. Everyone else was, uh, present? I guess.
Josh Allen (36) maneuvered around 2 hilarious fumbles to have himself a good day. Boulder of salt though - it was the Jets. However, the WR duo of Julio Jones (24.5) and Davante Adams (39) is already delivering a great ROI that LiMonta made on draft day. The RB corps of Jordan Howard (6) and Mark Ingram (3) are a bit more concerning though. In Week 2 against Dan, we’ll see if a couple of big games can prop this team up again.
6. Wet Ass P-Words(1-0)
122-92.5 victory over DeVante’s Inferno (0-1)
Let’s just say, hypothetically, for the sake of the argument, that I did, in fact, beat Frankie. It’s too bad facts and logic don’t care about my feelings, because Frank did very much in reality beat me in Week 1, getting a predictably great week from CMC (27.5), a yardage feast from Matt Ryan (34) and good to great supporting cast roles from Will Fuller (20) and Noah Fant (16.5).
There were some very clear issues though. Miles Sanders’ late injury thrust Antonio Gibson (4) into starting and his hype train may have gotten a little ahead of itself. OBJ (3.5) simply vanished and AJ Brown (5.5) is probably doing more good just blocking for Derrick Henry than he is catching the ball. He had an easy matchup in Week 1 but we’ll see how he fares against someone with good players in Week 2.
7. BeWare - (1-0)
126.5-92.5 victory over The DK Crew (0-1)
With distracting DeAndre Hopkins (27) trade rumors constantly swirling, Drew was able to pull off a victory in Week 1, owed in part to a 151 yard performance from DHop himself, as well as a solid week from Danny Dimes (22), a 2-TD afternoon from Mark Andrews (19.5), and double digit performances from John Brown (16) and Kenyan Drake (14). The only real disappointment was Austin Ekeler (9.5) who didn’t even really do all that bad, but struggled compared to his teammates.
With Daniel Jones as the only QB on the roster, Drew will really be rolling the dice on the Jason Garrett-led Giants offense not being completely inept every week. Maybe he could somehow swing a trade where he can cash in on his WR depth for a proven veteran QB while also bringing in some extra RB depth. I don’t know I’m just spitballin here. Have fun beating Rob next week.
8. Chicken Finger Poops (0-1)
113.5-139 loss to Drake’s New Favorite Team (1-0)
Christian was no match for the reigning champ in Week 1, despite a solid showing from multiple players. Patty Ice (22) did well, but was far from his normal big game self, and Alvin Kamara (21.5) celebrated his payday with a variety of touchdowns. Travis Kelce (14) has proven the QB-TE stack to be a so far success and Melvin Gordon (13.5) did well for his namesake division. The WR corps was a lot less stellar, however. Diontae Johnson (6) fumbled his way into mediocrity on MNF while TY Hilton (7) showed that even with a QB he still just isn’t very good. I’m so glad you drafted him so that I couldn’t again. Christian gets to take on yours truly in Week 2 to see who gets sole possession of the Melvins basement.
9. DeVante’s Inferno (0-1)
92.5-122 loss to Wet Ass P-Words (1-0)
Hey look at that, David Johnson (18.5) did pretty good! Aside from him and Marquise Brown (17.5) though, you can probably just keep scrolling past this. After DJ’s admirable performance in the season opener, this team went full disappointment mode, constantly tantalizing the possibility of points without actually giving them to you. I’ll just go right ahead and say it, this team is a real cock tease.
DeVante Parker (6) was forgettable and twisted his ankle or something, while Sleepy Joe Mixon (5.5) watched the Bungles blow their shot at sweet sweet overtime yards. Speaking of overtime, due to an OPI call, Dak (19) and Amari Cooper (13) were also robbed of a shot at extra fantasy production. And trust me, they needed it. Evan Engram (1) simply looked like he forgot how to catch a football. There is no joke there, that is just stating facts I can see with my own eyeballs. Trash team, trash manager. Why did I wait around all year for this? Next week I get...Christian? Hey 1-1 ain’t so bad.
10. The End of the Mack (0-1)
104.5-121.5 Loss to Hasta Laviska Baby (1-0)
Old Lyin’ Kyler Murray (29) is at it again! He wants you to believe he’s going to rush for 90+ yards every week. Wrong! Meanwhile, Low Energy Clyde Edwards-Helaire (26) thinks taking advantage of a poor Texans defense is leadership. Sleepy Clyde plays on the most unfair offense of all time! The TV ratings for that Thursday Night Football were the lowest in history.
Also, why won’t the media ever go after DeSean Jackson (5) like they go after me? Jackson could barely make a catch out there and I’m pretty sure he’s a Hitler sympathizer or something. I don’t know, I don’t read these things!
By the way, when is Shaky Knees Todd Gurley (13) going to hang it up? The Atlanta Falcons deserve better! And let’s not forget Maniac Mike Evans starting a brutal fight on the field. Total thug! Meanwhile, crooked Kenny Golladay didn’t even have the decency to take the field. Sad!
11. Dirty D (0-1)
74-135 Loss to Mickey Mouse Club (1-0)
Things just never got started for Mike’s club in Week 1, as Andy nearly lapped him in points and his own squad could barely muster any double digit players. Desahun Watson (22) had a solid game despite having a clear lack at WR, and Chris Carson (21) had 2 receiving touchdowns as if to say he’s not going anywhere when it comes to Seattle’s backfield. Kerryon Johnson (1) is at best the #2 RB on his team and the #1 is like 43 years old. Le’Veon Bell (5) was a yardage disaster and human traffic cone Adam Gase sent him back out knowing he was injured.. /Jets.
The big red flag here is Michael Thomas (2). Thomas is most likely out for multiple weeks after suffering an ankle sprain. Cue every dickhead (me) sending Mike trade offers…….now! Lucky for Mike, he gets another team that’s currently underperforming when Week 2 rolls around.
12. The DK Crew (0-1)
92.5-126.5 Loss to BeWare - (1-0)
You know who else suffers with Michael Thomas out? His quarterback. Drew Brees (15) looked very much like a 41 year old on Sunday, relying mostly on Alvin Kamara to get that thicc YAC to pad his own numbers. Nick Chubb (5) was a letdown despite a solid YPC and he threw in a fumble for good measure. Robert Woods (19) looked like an excellent bargain and has definitely benefited from the vacated targets that Texans wideout and current dried out husk Brandin Cooks left behind, and DK Metcalf (17) is rolling along with his chemistry with Wilson.
But my lord, what a terrible night for Saquon. Not for him personally. Just, like, as a person. Yeah 10 points is really not great for a #2 overall pick but Jesus Christ his team did him no favors. John will seriously have to hope for the Giants to get into some better game situations so the best player on the team can actually, y’know, do things. He’ll get Mikey D in Week 2.